Lose Yourself

There's a popular artist in pop music culture called Eminem. You might have heard of him (or switched the dial on your radio swiftly when he came on, depending on your tolerance for offensive language.) His lyrics often carry varying degrees of anger, discontent, and even deep-seeded pain. He wrote one song about a guy born on the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak. He's been dealt an unfair hand and faces betrayal and animosity at every turn. And yet he comes upon a moment of opportunity in which, if he is willing to lose himself completely, he can lay hold of his dream and be set free from his prison once and for all.

The song is crude and will offend many of you but I'm going to copy it here anyways. I suggest you give it a listen as well (try playlist.com) - I find it very moving on a number of levels.

Firstly, I am inspired by the song. I am inspired by a hurting kid who rises up and says, "I'm not givin' up that easy!" and lets out his gigantic roar. I'm inspired for myself, at the idea of losing myself - defying fear - standing up and letting go.

The other day, as I listened to the song at rather alarmingly high decibels in my car, Jesus hit me with an even more inspiring take on this. As Eminem chants, "so here I go, it's my shot, feet fail me not, this may be the only opportunity I've got!" I saw HIM (Jesus), dressed in battle gear, galloping fiercely on an unbeaten trail, toward a small door - an unlikely opening - into the heart of a lost soul.

Paul Young writes in The Shack that, even though not every road leads to the Father (in fact, only one road does), He will take any road necessary to get to us. This is profoundly moving to me. We have a Father who will go to any lengths to rescue us - a savior who will charge down any path toward any chance, no matter how dismal, to get to us. He sees each one of our lives from the perspective of eternity and He knows precisely the moment that is the best moment to show us the reality of His love and the absolute lost-ness of our independence. Not everyone will accept His offer, but if there is a chance ... Any chance at all ... He will take it!

When you read this song - and if you risk listening to it - even though obviously not all the lyrics apply - think about Him. Think about His tenacity. Think upon the fierceness of His love. Here is Lose Yourself:

Look.. if you had.. one shot,or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted.. in one moment
Would you capture it.. or just let it slip? Yo..

[Verse 1]
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
to drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
what he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth but the words won't come out
He's chokin, how? Everybody's jokin now
The clock's run out, time's up, over - BLAOW!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't
Give up that easy no, he won't have it
He knows, his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so sad that he knows
when he goes back to this mobile home, that's when it's
back to the lab again, yo, this whole rapshody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

[Chorus]
You Better, lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go (go)
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You better, lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go (go)
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
You Better..

[Verse 2]
Soul's escaping, through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is boring; but superstardom's
close to post-mortem, it only grows harder
Homie grows hotter, he blows it's all over
These hoes is all on him, coast to coast shows
He's known as the Globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cause here goes the cold water
These hoes don't want him no mo', he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose-dove and sold nada, and so the soap opera
is told, it unfolds, I suppose it's old partner
But the beat goes on da-da-dum da-dum da-dah

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
No more games, I'm a change what you call rage
Tear this motherf*n roof off like two dogs caged
I was playin in the beginning, the mood all changed
I've been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin and stepped right in the next cypher
Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the
fact that I can't get by with my nine to
five and I can't provide the right type of
life for my family, cause man, these Godd*n
food stamps don't buy diapers, and it's no movie
There's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard, and it's gettin even harder
Tryin to feed and water my seed plus, teeter-totter
Caught up between bein a father and a primadonna
Baby momma drama screamin on her too much for me to wanna
stay in one spot, another day of monotony,
has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail I've got
to formulate a plot, or end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherf*n option, failure's not
Mom I love you but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's Lot
So here I go it's my shot, feet fail me not
This may be the only opportunity that I got

Listen: http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/254750481

WARNING: May be offensive adds on the above linked page

J.

Praying Afraid?

Fear. This is the word that I have begun using as a God-led, self-diagnosis for everything that I do. It is remarkable to discover the extent in which that word motivates my daily actions. I had no idea…until the Holy Spirit had me pay attention. I am not necessarily talking about “obvious” fear. The kind that is so blatant that the demonic is not even bothering to disguise itself. It is the more under-the-surface fear that has a longer-lasting, more devastating effect…because I don’t even see its ugly face.

I think, simply put, that fear is the opposite of faith. Think about it? If we fear something, is it not simply because we are not trusting that God is who He says He is in that area of our lives? I really believe it to be that simple. We believe Him, or we believe the lie that makes us afraid.

This little self-diagnostic is quite simple. I ask a question. “Am I doing this/thinking this because I am in fear?” If we are really honest with ourselves, we always know when we are acting out of fear. God is very quick to reveal those hidden places. I guess we first need to ask ourselves just how honest we want to be?

If we are not paying attention, we can be doing the most natural things, and be operating in fear. In fact, we can be doing the most “spiritual” things…fearfully.

We can be praying in fear.

Every now and then I catch a glimpse of “a call to prayer” that has the feel of Lassie running into the town barking madly because Timmy has fallen into a well. Try as I might, I just can’t bring myself to imagine God in such a panic. Does He call us to pray? Of course He does. But I believe the self-diagnostic works just as well here. Is there a sense of fear in the call?

I am forced to think that something is “off” when the church is summoned to pray immediately or else some great evil will befall us. If it is the Father, then a summons to pray will always have his divine calm attached to it, even if the call is a serious one. That is just the way He works.

We are called to be people of prayer, but that prayer is to exemplify the intimacy he desires with us above all other things. In that place, He can direct us to pray to stop any calamity the devil can throw at us, and the spirit of the prayer will be entirely different. Resting in His peace, our prayers become powerful.

paul

The Last Camp & The Summit

The following is a vision the Lord gave me many years ago that He has added more revelation to year after year. I feel the time has come to write it down.

I was on one of my frequent forest walks with the Lord when He opened up what can only be described as a "movie screen" before me. He showed me the base of a very large mountain where I noticed a camp. A number of tents, supplies, and people milling about. He then began to move the scene upward, where I noticed a number of other camps situated on plateaus along the way. Each camp had a small number of tents. I was reminded of Rick Joyner's vision in "The Final Quest" which also involved different "stages" on a mountain trek. I asked the Lord what the camps were, and He said, "these camps represent the various seasons I will take my sons and daughters through as they journey with me". I then asked Him what was at the summit, and He replied, "the summit of this mountain represents where I desire ALL of my sons and daughters to be." Seemed pretty straightforward. "Show me the summit?" I requested. "Not yet," He said, "First, I want to show you the last camp before the summit."

The scene moved up the rocky face of the mountain, all the while showing only a close up view of the small camps as they appeared and disappeared from view. "We are here," the Lord said. Suddenly the scene panned back dramatically to reveal the entire upper portion of the mountain. What I saw was not another camp made up of a few random tents. What I saw could only be described as New York City!

A huge metropolis built into the sides of the cliffs with the peak of the mountain emerging out of the center like a jagged skyscraper. Millions upon millions of people living, working, and going about their lives. "What am I seeing?" I asked the Lord. "The summit," He began, "may be where I desire to bring my children, but this last camp is where the vast majority of my sons and daughters stop!" I was confused at His words. "Why do they stop?" I asked. I felt the heaviness of His answer before they left His mouth. "They stop, because the last path to the summit, is where I take everything else! Their journey with Me thus far has brought life, truth, and undeniable fruit, but this last climb is where I remove every hidden thing. The very roots of all personal ambition, pride, intellectual security and false beliefs. But most importantly, on this path I remove all fear."

"Why do they not take that path?" I inquired. Instantly, I was flown from the skyward view of the city into the bustling streets and wayward busyness. I was taken right into the heart of the metropolis where the mountain rock became visible. It was a dark, foreboding place with a deep fog coming off the cold mountain rock. I noticed through the subdued light, what appeared to be a door set right into the rock face. A more menacing door I could not imagine. It was made from thick, wooden timbers, with black hinges that looked older than time. I felt compelled to open the door despite the deep desire to run as far from it as possible. The hinges popped and creaked violently as I pulled the ancient gate open and peered inside. I saw what appeared to be a dirt path between two rock walls that faded into a wall of green. It did not appear unwelcoming, until I noticed the thorns! The wall of green was a briar patch!

"Well, it's obvious why nobody wants to take that path" I thought to myself. "And yet I call all who wish to follow me to it." The Lord replied, answering my thoughts. "While it is true that this path will bring pain, those who choose it for my sake will never regret their choice at the end of it. No flesh can glory in my sight. This you know. This is the path that will tear that flesh away. Will you go?" Somehow, in the gripping fear of the moment, I knew I could trust Him. I said yes. My spirit then lead my flesh through the ancient door and onto the path...kicking and screaming.

The pain of the briar patch was very real! On this path I felt every part of me exposed. The flesh being torn off my body representing such intense fear. Fear I had no idea I even carried. Fear that kept me safe in my own prison. Fear that kept me from Him. Every known or unknown issue in my life seemed to come back to being afraid. In some way, shape, or form, fear was riddled through me, and these thorns were performing surgery.

I remember thinking to myself that there had better be one huge party at the summit of this mountain, should I make it! I wanted dancing angels, trumpet blasts, singing choirs, and a loud booming voice saying "this is my son, in whom I am well pleased!" I figured that would certainly be my reward.

After what seemed like an eternity, and with my body torn and battered, I could see the path open up. One last push up the rock face. One last patch of thorns. Let the celebration begin!

I lifted my body onto the flat rock of the summit. The rock red from my wounds. I managed to stand. I stumbled to the center of the rock table and looked around. No angels. No trumpets. No choirs. No booming voice. Just the soft whispering of a summer breeze, and a greater peace than I could have ever imagined. Men dream of living with the absence of internal fear. I doubt it could feel any better than at that moment. It was then that I heard Him. "Come to the edge of the cliff." said the Lord. As I walked over I realized I was suddenly full of strength. I looked down at my arms. Where the wounds were gaping, there were now only scars, but the scars remained.

I stood at the cliff edge and looked down. Below me was the city, sprawling and dramatic. Full of my brothers and sisters. The Lord directed my eyes to an alley in the city, close to the mountain. I could see three men there, though at a great distance. To my surprise, they were all looking up at me! They were angry and very animated. I could hear them. I was the target of their anger. "Who do you think you are?" they shouted. "You are so self-righteous, but we know who you really are. We know what you have done." Their words were very accusatory, judgmental and critical. I stood at the cliff edge shocked! I have carried a great inability to be able to handle accusations from other Christians, having been repeatedly hurt. Historically, attacks of that nature would reduce me to a fetal position. That, however, was not why I was shocked. What was eye-opening about that moment was the fact that I did not feel hurt. Not at all. I looked down at these three men with what seemed like eagle's eyes. I saw past their angry faces, their accusing words, and right into their hearts. I saw their damage! My emotions were of intense love and compassion, and absolutely nothing else! It was the most liberating moment I had ever experienced.

"On this summit," the Lord spoke, "you will see as I see. You will feel as I feel. The scars you carry from the briar patch give you my gift of compassion, heavenly wisdom, and love that surpasses understanding. Those who come here will become my most trusted vessels. They will be men and women who have not loved their lives unto death. They will be the broken jars of clay that I can pour My spirit through in this hour. They will be my chosen ones. I have called many to join me here, but few have come. For many are called, but few are chosen."

I have spent the years since the Lord showed me this on the thorny path. It has been painful. It has been revelatory. The more my fear is torn from me, the more my spirit lives. I regret not a single moment of that choice. The clearing is just ahead...

paul